On First Bikes and Next Bikes

My current bike, a Yamaha YZF-R125

I love my motorcycle. Let me introduce you- it’s a 2008 Yamaha YZF-R125 in the slightly unfortunately named “Impact Yellow” colour scheme. Yamaha saw a gap in the L-plate suitable small-displacement motorcycle market for something that was actually desirable, and promptly filled it with a bike that sold tremendously. The bike combines noob-friendly handling and power output with the look and feel of a proper big-engine motorbike. As a first bike, it comes highly recommended. But! Alas, that little engine isn’t enough to keep a bike fiend entertained forever, no matter how much he thrashes it, and sooner or later I’ll sadly part ways with my beloved little Yammy for something with a bit more grunt. The question is- what?

My lizard brain immediately answers- R1. Small wonder that the atavistic part of the human psyche that wants only to fight, fuck and devour (in that order) everything it sees is attracted to Yamaha’s ferocious 180 mile-per-hour race-bred 1000cc superbike flagship, but the more developed primate brain feels differently. An R1 is far too much for someone with just one year’s riding experience to handle, it says, you’d die and lose your licence (maybe not in that order). Such a fierce machine would be a bit wasted on the fifteen mile commute to university. Plus, once there, such a predatory bastard thing slouched indifferently on its sidestand by the gate might frighten the more sensitive female students.

The widowmaking Yamaha YZF-R1.

So an R1 (or any of its similarly mental litre-class stablemates from the other manufacturers) is not really an option (yet…). Much as I dig the race-bike aesthetic, the less powerful 600cc supersports bikes are probably still a bit much, in their aggressive, track-focused handling setup perhaps more than raw power, and used examples are likely to have been thrashed relentlessly by horny lizard-men. And, let’s face it- they’re compact and uncomfortable and not really for massive fat bastards like me. What's to be done?

Believe it or not, there are some bikes I’m drawn to that aren’t insane, that might even be sensible. The Suzuki SV650 has a very manageable power output from its fruity V-twin engine, and, while on the budget end of the spectrum, can still call itself a proper sportbike with a straight face. Plus, in half-faired “S” form, it’s a jolly handsome bike. This is important because people judge a man based on how good his bike looks. It’s not just, but that’s life. The SV is cheap, though, in more than just list price, and there are more thrilling rides out there.

The playful Suzuki SV650.

A Kawasaki Ninja 250R would be a decent shout. The wee green machine (or black, if the first owner didn’t understand the fucking point of a Kawasaki) is a new-biker favourite in the US and with good reason- it looks good and inspires confidence. With only a little bit more poke than my current bike, the Ninja is available to me right now, unlike more powerful machinery which would really have to wait until the two-year probationary period on my licence had elapsed in December. A 250cc bike would still offer much of the economy and usability I’ve grown used to from the 125cc- good, since my primary use is commuting through town to university. However, it’s only a kind of half-step, and I’d still want to make another upgrade once it was available, and they’re

expensive, too.

A Ninja 250R in the correct lime green.

Perhaps the most promising upgrade prospect comes not from one bike, but a class of them. Prior to the current trend for really hardcore racetrack focused sports bikes, there were 600cc all-rounders that combined comfy seats and road-friendly design with more than enough speed to thoroughly upset the constabulary. These bikes, notably the Yamaha YZF600R Thundercat, the Honda CBR600F and the Kawasaki ZZR600, really fell from fashion once the (admittedly far sexier) race replica bikes came on the scene, and as a consequence can these days be picked up for not really much money at all- I’ve seen roadworthy examples for £800, and shite but redeemable ones for under £500. But there’s nothing wrong with them! They’re quick, reliable, good looking (except maybe the ZZR which is a bit of a land-barge) and less harsh to ride than the bikes that succeeded them. And they’re not complete pussycats either- before the new racier bikes hit, these were what were used for racebikes, and they’ll give you 150mph and 11 second quarter miles. However, one of these would still be a considerable leap up in performance from the R125, with all the bastarding running costs associated with that, and even the final models released are old now, with all the bastarding repair costs associated with that.

Left to right- A CBR600F, ZZR600 and YZF600R Thundercat- each overlooked in favour of their sexier but higher maintenance younger sisters.

Difficult decisions, eh? It’s probably worth remembering that modern Japanese-built motorcycles are basically quite good, and that it’s hard to get one that’s just shite- there’s not really a wrong choice to be made here. But it still weighs heavy on my mind, occupying brain function that really should be devoted to nobler pursuits, like passing my law degree and convincing a nice young lady to go out with me. Fucking motorcycles! Dangerous even when you’re out of the saddle!

On Motorcycles and Middle-Earth

I can’t stop fucking thinking about motorcycles. Not just any motorcycles, either- 1000cc supersport motorcycles. I find myself obsessing over the engineering balance of the Honda Fireblade, the digital supremacy of the Aprilia RSV4 and the savage purity of the MV Augusta F4R. My father has a Ducati 916, widely regarded as a classic of the class, and took it out yesterday. It took twenty minutes to start and when it did it deafened me and woke the neighbours. But what a fucking thing it is! That styling, that ferocity, that v-twin rumble. This is dangerous; a fat fuck like me, who has never ridden so much as a moped, shouldn’t get any ideas about fast bikes. Cocaine is a healthier vice, and more socially acceptable, too. Fuck it. The heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wants to race. All that remains is to find some money and negotiate the ever tightening maze of UK bike licensing laws, and I can get myself a cheap shit 125cc commuter bike- a start.

Been reading Lord of the Rings again. I’ve heard people complain and disparage about the books, claiming they aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. While I can see where these people are coming from, I have to disagree. The Lord of the Rings is an unparalleled masterpiece- what it isn’t is readily accessible to the modern reader. Tolkien created not so much a story as a world, one that is fit to burst with depth, richness and melancholy. This, I think, is why we get songs that last four pages about some plot-irrelevant elf-maiden’s favourite tree while the deaths of major characters are done with in a few sentences. I mentioned in my post about the GTAV trailer how the GTA games give the player a beautiful world to lose himself in. Tolkien did the same shit with just text.

It’s also E3 season, with the Microsoft conference starting in about 45 minutes at the time of this writing- I’ll be posting about this one afterwards over at www.invalidopinions.com (HA HA PLUGGING). Hopefully, it won’t be a repeat of the casual gaming Kinect shitfest we saw last year. I’m hoping for some more GTAV content, maybe a new Playstation console, and for the Wii-U not to be completely horrible. As ever, you can bet that lots of stupid shit will be shown and that Half Life 3 won’t.

My Work for Invalid Opinions

I haven't posted here in three weeks; considering past form, that's a miraculously short interval, but I'm still unhappy with myself for it. There is a reason, though- I'm now on board with an independent games journalism site. Invalid Opinions seeks to provide articles and reviews with the unbiased and honest opinions of real video game enthusiasts, disillusioned with the current state of video game journalism and the industry as a whole. We've been picking up momentum pretty nicely, but it has occupied me away from this blog- much of my gaming content will be heading there for the time being, though it should work its way over here after a while. So! Check out Invalid Opinions, but don't stop checking here. I'm sure I'll find some aspect of my incredibly adventurous lifestyle to report on. You can see a couple articles I originally did for Invalid Opinions below.

Short Thought on Fixing Things

Nobody fixes their own shit any more. Your car ain’t running right? You take it to the dealer and he fixes it. Your iPod won’t turn on? Fuck it, buy a new one. There’s no room for stuff that doesn’t work right in today’s world, and if something breaks down, chances are it’ll be discarded and replaced rather than nursed back to health. I’ve been trying to fix up my old bike the last couple weeks, and I’m starting to see why this is. Every fucking effort I make is resisted at every turn by the infernal machine- nuts are seized, cables jammed, bearings are fucked up beyond belief. I don’t have any money, though, so replacement or professional repair is out of the question, and I toil on. The whole thing raised some questions, however- why has the modern human so little tolerance for wear and tear on his things?

I read a book recently that addresses this. In ‘The Case for Working with your Hands’, Matthew Crawford explores the effect of office work in an information economy on peoples’ aptitude for and interest in manual work, and asks repeatedly why his work as a motorcycle mechanic is so much more satisfying than his work leading a university think-tank. It’s a real interesting read, and one issue raised really connected with me- the author notes that fixing a machine not of your own design serves as a lesson in interacting with the wider world. The universe does not exist for your convenience, as it turns out, and it has patterns and machinations of its own. To get what you want from it, you must consider not only your self and your wishes, but how these figure in the world at large. 

Mankind did not make it to the very top of the food chain by having a world that meekly submitted to its will straight off the bat. Man had to learn how to rub sticks to make fire, how to build shelters that would resist the weather, where to stab tigers to stop them from eating him. We are manipulators, and over the course of human history we have manipulated our environment to suit us as best we can. We’ve got so good at it that an illusion of control has developed whereby we start to think that the world around us does exist solely for our own bullshit and conforms to our every whim- the bike breaks, you can summon a new one within the hour. But you can’t magic away that sabre-tooth. When you sit down to fix your bike, think of it as jamming your spear between the bastard’s ribs; it’s nasty and messy, but that’s how the fucking world works. If I get down to it, my bike should be ready to ride by next weekend.